Perfectionism

Miller_MeganbigTired of hearing a voice in your head beat you up, insist that nothing is you do is ever good enough, scan your actions and words to find ways you might have insulted others or embarrassed yourself? It’s exhausting. You might have tried a number of ways to deal with perfectionism. You argue with this inner critic, yell at it, ignore it, do what it says…and none of it works.

The thing about the inner critic voice is that it’s a part of you…and like any part of you, it’s trying to help. It’s trying to keep you safe, make sure you’re loved, protect you from pain. Granted, its going about its job in a really unhelpful, counterproductive way… it’s actually causing you more pain than it’s preventing, it’s bringing on the rejection you fear.

In therapy, we work together to get to know your inner critic and develop a new approach towards this difficult voice. My approach is based on understanding and compassion for the critic, getting to know what that voice is trying to accomplish for you, and building new ways of achieving those goals that don’t involve so much pain and cruelty. I help you find a path to self-compassion and kindness that doesn’t involve repeating cheesy self-help mantras. We find your own unique voice of inner kindness, without erasing whatever sarcastic edge, ambitious goals, loud music, or bad jokes that make you you. You don’t have to become a whole different person to make the changes you want to make, to live a happier life.

Check out my book, The Perfectionism Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Reduce Anxiety and Get Things Done (New Harbinger, summer 2016), available now. Aimed at teens, the exercises can be used by people of any age who are looking to change their relationships to their “inner perfectionists.”

Wondering if you or your teen child is a perfectionist? Take a quiz to learn more.



Call  (415) 409-9023 for a free 15-minute phone consultation to find out more.

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“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”

— John Steinbeck, East of Eden