Perfectionism doesn’t just impact your mood, self-esteem, and productivity. It can also cause real harm to romantic partnerships. Here are a few direct and indirect way perfectionism gets in the way of you having the relationship you want: Your partner feels helpless as they watch you suffer. You are likely very aware of the pains […]
Most of the time when we think of perfectionists, we think of people having impossibly high standards for themselves. But perfectionism can also show up in relationships, if the form of impossibly high standards for friends, family, or romantic partners. Do any of these sound familiar? You expect your partner to never forget a date […]
A lot of people find it hard to apologize. Perfectionists can find it especially tortuous. Admitting you are slightly less than perfect is a gut punch, a hit at a fundamental (and false) belief that you have to be perfect in order to be accepted, loved, successful. Owning up to a mistake can make you […]
Anger has a bad reputation in our culture. It’s considered toxic by some, for others it brings up bad memories of family shit, for others it is entangled with violence. But anger has a purpose, and — when expressed appropriately — has an important place in relationships. First, let’s differentiate between anger that is a […]
Couples often come to counseling in hopes that the therapist will be a referee, declaring a winner and a loser in each argument. For a lot of people, being “right” is really important. They lay out evidence, argue about who said what when, focus on facts and ignore feelings. Being right feels good for a […]
“Do you think, in general, that people are doing the best they can?” Brené Brown asks this question in “Rising Strong,” and wonders about what your answer reveals about you. Do you think that other people are usually trying hard to be kind, fair, generous? Or do you believe that on the whole, people are […]
Ever feel like everyone else at the party is at ease, and you are the only anxious one? Or do you ever scroll through social media and think that you are the only one having a shitty day or year? Does it seem like everyone in class or at work “gets it” without the struggle […]
Thanksgiving dinner. The person next to you is chatting with you, and you are interested… but part of you wants to check your texts to see what your other friends are doing, wants to post a picture of the kale salad to instagram. You give in to temptation and pull out your phone as the […]